The Shephard Diaries
by SilverCloud3
Summary: This is about Jack and Kate's lives if they never returned to the island. Told through diary entries. Spoilers Seasons 1-4
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: 2007

April 4, 2007 3:32am

Dear Journal:

I did it! I finally did it! I asked her to marry me, and she said yes. I thought she might get mad at me for waking her up in the middle of the night but she was thrilled, she smiled and cried and so did I. I can't believe how happy I am at this point in my life. Back on the island we were all afraid for our lives, and I never imagined I would ever be happy again, even though she was with me the entire time on the island. She understood how I felt during the difficult times, which is why I believe we are a perfect match. I hope Aaron is happy about the idea when we tell him tomorrow.

I'm gonna have to cut this short. Kate is begging me to come to bed.

-Jack

June 24, 2007 2:13pm

Dear Diary,

Jack and I have finally set a date for the wedding! September 8th of this year, in beautiful Santa Barbara! It's been a hassle preparing for it but it's also been fun. I'm so lucky to have the nanny around to take care of Aaron whenever I need her to, she really is a blessing.

Sun and Cassidy are going to be my bridesmaids, Hurley and Sayid are going to be Jack's groomsmen and Clementine and Ji Yeon will be double flower girls who will escort my little ring bearer Aaron down the aisle! It's going to be the best day of my life. I'm so glad Jack was able to open his heart to Aaron and I after all we've been through on the island. I had my baggage as well, but I was so lucky to get off with only probation during my trial. If I had to do jail time and lose Aaron as well as Jack, I don't know what I would have done.

Every time I look at Aaron I see Claire and I constantly wonder if she is alright. I've kept Aaron safe for her like I knew she would have wanted, and I also wonder if Sawyer is doing okay and if he ever found her. I try not to dwell on these thoughts and look forward to my future with my son and my fiancé and try to imagine how great the rest of our lives together will be.

Always,

Kate

July 16, 2007 7:18pm

Dear Journal:

I got an unexpected call from someone today. Ben wants all of us who left to go back to the island. He tried his hardest to convince Kate and I to return but we didn't give in. Neither of us want to return, we are happy here living our life together; plus it's a hell of a lot better since we returned from the island in early 2005 and began dating.

The same thing happened when Bentham visited Kate and I separately last month. We both refused the offer and so did Sayid and Hurley. We called Sun to see if he came to see her but she was unaware that Bentham was even off the island in the first place. I was jealous of her, because she was the one he had chosen not to bother.

I have officially moved into Kate's house and my old apartment has a new tenant; everything is going well for us. Tomorrow I'm going to see a lawyer about adopting Aaron. Kate was so happy when I asked her if I could do that, and the way she explained it to Aaron made him ecstatic about it too. I couldn't help but smile when he began calling me Daddy instead of Jack.

Sometimes, and it isn't often, but I have the urge to just pick Aaron up and tell him I'm his uncle, not his dad. Adopting him goes against this revealing this information, so why do I have this urge? I think it's because I feel bad about not looking for Claire before we left the island. Whenever I let my thoughts drift to her, they go to Juliet as well. She wanted to get off the island more that I did, and I sometimes wonder if she is doing okay even though she is still stuck there.

I just know that I'm glad I left.

-Jack

September 8, 2007 9:40am

Dear Diary,

I just finished getting my hair and make-up done. I am so nervous, it's insane. I love my dress, it's beautiful. This wedding is turning out to be everything I've ever wanted. For our ideal wedding we would have gotten married and spent our honeymoon in Hawaii but I can't leave the state of California for another eight years or so. So we had to limit our options to just inside California. We chose to get married in Santa Barbara near the beach because it's gorgeous there. For our honeymoon we are just going to San Diego and spending a week laying on the beach and going to the spa in our hotel. Jack told me he would give me a second honeymoon anywhere I wanted once my probation is lifted. I can't wait for that!

We've changed Aaron's last name from Austen to Shephard last month, when the adoption was finalized. I'm so happy Jack wanted to become Aaron's father. He has no idea how much this means to me. Aaron and Jack are my world, and we will finally be together at last.

We've also given Aaron a middle name; Charlie. Aaron Charlie Shephard. Jack and I loved the sound of it, and we also miss Charlie terribly and we knew how much rescuing Aaron and Claire meant to him. Unfortunately the part about Claire didn't come true.

Margo is driving me to the ceremony. Jack has Aaron and it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Margo has been a big help with everything from helping me with the seating charts, the cake and the flowers, and looking after Aaron of course. I know she is excited to finally be a grandmother. Jack told me she used to always ask him and his ex wife if they were ever going to have children. I hope Jack and I will have at least one more child, I would love for Aaron to have a younger sibling.

I am also grateful to have Margo as a mother in law, since my mother and I no longer talk. Last I heard she was getting better, but I don't want to see her since she bribed me during my trial just to see Aaron. What kind of mother bribes her own daughter?

We're here, Margo just parked the car. Everything outside of the window looks amazing! Oh, I can't wait to marry the man I love!

Always,

Kate

October 2, 2007 7:13pm

Dear Journal:

This past month has been the best month of my life. Our wedding was beautiful. Kate was breathtaking in her Vera Wang dress. Thanks to our settlements, we could afford everything we wanted. We had a beautiful ceremony. Kate's bridesmaids looked gorgeous in their pale pink gowns and my groomsmen looked great in their tuxedos. We were blessed with beautiful weather, and the reception at a nearby hotel was so much fun. Everyone ate, drank and danced the whole night. Aaron looked adorable in his tuxedo I picked out for him. I told Kate it was a surprise and she couldn't see it until the wedding, and when she saw him waiting at the altar with me she had the biggest grin on her face. In that split second I knew she was blissfully happy and I am lucky to be a part of that happiness for the rest of our lives.

By midnight it was over, and people started to leave. Sun and Ji Yeon had to get back to their hotel and rest for their flight back to Korea the next day. Aaron was cranky, and my mother took him home with her. He was spending the week at her house during our honeymoon. Hurley was pretty wasted and Sayid and Nadia had to help him to their car and drive him home. I thanked them as I turned to say goodbye to Cassidy and Clementine.

It took me awhile to get used to them being around. At first Kate told me Cassidy was an old friend of hers and whenever they would come over for dinner I noticed how Clementine looked like Sawyer, it was so uncanny. I mentioned this to Kate several times but she always ignored it. By the third time I knew something was up. We had a pretty big fight that night and she finally confessed to me that Clementine is why Sawyer whispered in her ear before jumping out of the chopper. I was angry that she didn't trust me with this information but we got through that part of our relationship together. We vowed to never keep secrets from each other ever again. About a year later, everything was going well for us and I knew it was time to propose.

Our week in San Diego was fun. We had a good time at the beach and spa together during the day and dancing and drinking at clubs late at night, which would always end with sweet lovemaking in our hotel room. I can't wait for our second honeymoon which I promised to Kate, and it will be ten times better than our first one.

It's already been a month and everything is going great. I'm happy with where my life has taken me and I know that everything that happened was meant to be. I'm happy we spent 108 days on the island, because without that terrifying but wonderful experience, Kate and I, and Aaron, would have never met.

-Jack


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: 2008

February 14, 2008 11:34pm

Dear Diary,

Tonight Jack and I spent our first Valentine's Day as a married couple. It was beautiful, he really is a great husband! I can't believe we've only been married for five months. It seems like much longer. You would never know how romantic Jack is unless you were in a relationship with him. He hides that side of himself from others and only lets me see it and I love it. It makes me feel so special.

First, he took the day off of work and had two itineraries: One for us, and one for the nanny so she could take Aaron out all day. He bought them tickets to the zoo, the aquarium, the movies, even Six Flags! Where ever Aaron wanted to go, he said. He even gave the nanny cash for meals and to buy Aaron any souvenirs he wanted. Aaron was so excited when Jack told him. When he and the nanny returned home tonight, she said Aaron had the best day and she looked tired so I sent her home straight away. Aaron fell asleep with a smile on his face. I am so lucky!

After they left this morning, Jack gave me our itinerary. First up was some morning sexy time for as long as I wanted. We made sure to enjoy that, after all we do want another baby! Then, a romantic breakfast at my favorite cafe. After that, a trip to the spa for a couples massage and lunch at the hotel and spa. He said anything else I wanted I could have too, so I also got a facial and a manicure. At lunch he presented me with a dozen beautiful roses.

In the afternoon we lounged at the beach. He wanted us to relive our honeymoon. Although we live in Los Angeles and can go to beach any day of the year, we haven't gone since last summer (and of course during our honeymoon in San Diego). He knows I love going there to relax. We went to Venice Beach, my favorite beach around here. We watched the sunset and then went home to shower. We went out to our favorite Italian restaurant for dinner. By the time we got home we were exhausted, but we had the best day. He gave me more gifts, a diamond bracelet and chocolates. I gave him his gift, an expensive watch that he had been eyeing the last time we went shopping. We were in bed kissing when Aaron and the nanny came home. Perfect timing, any later and it would have been awkward!

After this amazing day I just have one question... What did I do in my life to get so lucky?

Always,

Kate

May 30, 2008 1:23pm

Dear Journal:

Kate and I are trying to get pregnant. We really want another child. Aaron is great and keeps us busy and we love him dearly, but we want another baby. The more the merrier I guess. I'm not sure if Kate feels this way, but another reason is that I would like us to have a biological child. Of course giving Aaron a sibling is more important, and our kids will be our kids no matter what, biological or adopted.

We've been trying ever since the wedding, and I'm starting to get worried. I haven't said anything to Kate yet because I don't want to upset her or stress her out. Stress would make it worse. As a doctor I know that if you try for longer than 6 months, something may be wrong. But if it still doesn't happen by September, which will be 12 months, then I'll have to say something and we'll have to see a fertility specialist. I've never gotten any woman pregnant, and of course Kate has never been pregnant herself (unbeknownst to the outside world, where it is believed Kate gave birth to Aaron on the island) so it could be either one of us that has a fertility issue.

But I'm hoping that's not the case. We have a few months left to still try before consulting any doctors (besides myself ha!). But I think this past month was pretty hard on Kate, when she was late and got so excited and took a test. The test came back negative and I was disappointed, but I tried not to let it show because she looked heartbroken. She cried herself to sleep in my arms that night. And the next morning, she got her period.

I hope it happens soon. We've been having sex more than usual just to see if it will help. Please universe, let us make a baby!

-Jack

August 28, 2008 9:37am

Dear Diary,

On my way to work this morning I dropped off Aaron at his first day of preschool. My baby is getting so big, I can't believe it. This summer I made sure to spend the most time with him, giving the nanny extra days off, because I knew this day was coming, the day my baby becomes a big boy and is off to school! We had a great summer, we went to Disneyland a few times, the beach almost daily, Cassidy and Clemetine's pool. Aaron and I love spending time with them, and we're lucky they let us use their pool anytime we want. Jack and I should get one for our backyard too. Jack hung out with us at the beach and at Disneyland as much as he could, but he had a heavy workload at the hospital this summer.

Oh yes, speaking of the hospital, I got a job as a receptionist there. Yup that's right, the same hospital that Jack works at. Technically I don't need a job, because of the settlement, but not working just doesn't feel right. I need something to do that has a purpose, besides taking care of Aaron of course. And now that Aaron is in school, it's a good time to start. Tomorrow is my first official day of work.

I still haven't gotten pregnant. I'm worried that something is wrong and I think Jack is too, but neither of us has said anything yet. I think we both aren't ready to discuss it. I'm so scared it won't happen for us, although that's all we both want right now. There's been a few times this year where I thought I was pregnant but I wasn't, and I don't want to go through those sad feelings anymore. I'm the right age to be fertile, I wonder why it isn't working. I hope I get pregnant soon.

Always,

Kate

September 22, 2008 4:13

Dear Journal:

Every year when this date comes I feel distracted from my everyday life. Four years ago, my life changed forever. Kate's life changed. And so did Aaron's, believe it or not. I took off work today. I can't go through the motion's of normal life on the anniversary of the crash. I'd be a zombie at work today and that is no good for my patients. Good thing my fellow colleagues understand. I've spent the majority of today sitting on the couch and drinking coffee, just thinking. About what happened on the island, and what could have been if we had stayed. I thought about the people we left behind. Sawyer, Juliet, Claire. The one's we've lost. Charlie, Jin. Oh my, I wonder how Sun is feeling today. I should give her a call soon.

Well I'll try not to dwell on that too much. I'll write about Kate. Kate really likes her job at my hospital, and that makes me happy. I get to see her every morning when I do my rounds. She works in a different part of the hospital, and the only time I'm there is at the beginning of my shift. I think it's good that we don't work together all day long. I think a bit of separation at work is healthy for us both.

I finally spoke to Kate last night about how we still haven't conceived. She agreed we should see a doctor and we both cried. She blamed herself and I told her not to, it could just as easily be my fault. But this month hits the 12 month mark, and now it's more serious. Money isn't an issue, we can pay for treatment if we need to. I just don't want this to take a serious toll on Kate's body. I've heard horror stories around the hospital. We see the specialist next week, I hope it's good news.

-Jack

December 25, 2008 5:30am

Dear Diary,

I'm pregnant!

Yes, that's right, I'm finally pregnant! Jack and I found out last night, and this morning we are telling Aaron. I thought it would be a prefect Christmas gift. (Oh don't worry, he has plenty of other gifts to open! He's a very lucky boy in that department.) Well anyway, here's how it happened.

Last night when we found out, Jack estimated the date of conception, which was in early November. Now I know what you're thinking diary, why did it take me so long to realize that I was pregnant? Well, here it goes. The night that Jack thinks it happened, it had been a very busy day for us both. We both had long days at work, and Aaron was extra moody that night when we got home. I let the nanny go home right after dinner as I could see she was getting frustrated with him. She said he had been cranky all afternoon after school. So I gave him a bath and Jack read him a bedtime story, like usual. Lately he had been sleeping in our bed, so Jack and I hadn't been able to work on baby making as often that month.

So that night Aaron fell asleep in our bed and Jack and were quite tired, so we were just going to go to sleep. When we were in the bathroom brushing our teeth, Jack's hand brushed against my hip and well, things just happened. It was spontaneous and quick, in the bathroom. We weren't thinking about babies at all, and I didn't think that night of all nights would work.

A few weeks later, I started to feel strange. And again, I didn't think I was pregnant because I didn't think it was possible for me to be. The fertility doctor we saw had said Jack and I were okay to have babies, and urged us to just keep trying. But I was still not really thinking about it. Every morning I threw up my breakfast, but I didn't think to tell Jack, because I thought I just had an allergy or something. Then another few weeks later, I realized my period never came that month and I had forgotten about it. I thought it was just stress, that has happened to me a few times before.

But then last night, it dawned on me. I was wondering why I was so emotional lately, and why my boobs seemed bigger. I told Jack everything and he smiled and hugged me. He said it seemed like I was definitely pregnant, and asked why I never told him any of this until now. And honestly I don't know. I guess I just didn't put any of it together until yesterday. So Jack ran out to the drug store last night, (he had gotten there just before they closed early for Christmas Eve) and brought home a pregnancy test. I've taken so many this year with bad results so I was so nervous to take it again. But he assured me it would be positive this time.

So last night after dinner, (I made sure to drink a lot of water during dinner) I had to use the restroom and I took the test. Jack waited with me (Aaron was in bed, yes his own bed!) and when it came back positive we hugged, kissed, and cried.

I can't wait to write more about the pregnancy next time. We are so happy!

Always,

Kate


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: 2009

January 1, 2009 12:07am

Dear Journal:

I can't believe we're having a baby! We're still getting used to the idea. For a while Kate and I both thought it wasn't going to happen. It's definitely a huge relief considering how long it took us to conceive.

I was very excited, scared and overwhelmed at first but now I'm just happy. Telling Aaron on Christmas morning was the best moment by far. Kate had woken up early and I think she was writing something down when I woke up. She quickly finished and then we were about to go get Aaron when we heard his tiny footsteps walk down the hall from his room to ours. We listened and heard a soft knock followed by a muffled, "Mommy? Daddy?" His politeness is so adorable. (That's all on Kate honestly, she did all the important work before we started dating. She's an amazing mother.)

"Come on in sweetie!" Kate yelled and the door opened and Aaron ran in, smiling and holding his teddy bear that he always slept with. He jumped on our bed and onto Kate's lap. We all exchanged Merry Christmases and Aaron asked if we could go downstairs and see what Santa left him under the tree. Kate said we had to tell him something first, and he looked a bit confused. Then Kate explained to him that we are going to have another baby in the family. That he will be a big brother and the baby will grow in her belly. He seemed excited and talked about how some of his preschool friends had babies at home too. I was glad that he understood the concept and that he wasn't upset. I know some kids get jealous over new siblings.

We had a great Christmas with my Mom and Granddad. We reminisced about Dad a lot, I never realized how much I missed him until now, now that I'm a father to Aaron and becoming a father again. Oh yeah, we told Mom and Granddad on Christmas about the baby too. Granddad smiled and Mom cried happy tears.

My new year's resolution is to be as prepared as I can for the new baby and to see the others (haha I'm so funny) more often. We didn't see our friends that much last year so hopefully we see them more this year. I really miss spending time with Sayid, Hurley and Sun. Kate and I just got used to living with them on the island, you know? It's hard to describe. Anyway, I think I'm gonna head to bed. I'll try to write again soon.

-Jack

June 3, 2009 6:30pm

Dear Diary,

Today was a big day for me! It was so exciting and full of love. Oh I how I adore being a mommy to the sweetest little boy, and that growing peanut in my belly.

Well the biggest thing that happened today was, Aaron graduated from preschool! Jack and I had meetings last month with his teachers and they said he exceeded all of his benchmarks for kindergarten. I saw the pride on Jack's face, and I secretly thought maybe he's contributing Aaron's intellect to "Jack's side" of his genetics. If that's the case, he will get a huge eye roll from me. Anyway, Aaron was all okay to graduate with some of his classmates this spring. Some of them have to repeat another year, but I guess just that's how it is.

Today was the last day of school, therefore the ceremony was this afternoon. Jack had to move his surgery schedule around so he could make it in time, and I have already started my maternity leave from work so I was free. The only other appointment I had today was my monthly check up with my OB this morning. She said our little girl is doing just fine.

Oh that's right, I forgot to write it down- It's a girl! I've been so busy with everything I haven't had much time for diary entries. Anyway, after that I headed over to the school and met Jack there. We walked into the auditorium and I couldn't believe what I saw. Let's just say it was a full house, there were many preschoolers on stage and the whole thing was at least 2 hours long. There was a big ceremony and everything! You'd think it was a high school graduation considering how long it was and how much the teachers planned for it.

While there, I got so many comments from the teachers and other parents on how "cute" my belly is. In my opinion it isn't cute, I feel huge! But I guess it could be worse, I haven't gained much weight. Jack said most women gain much more weight than I have. So now we are home and I'm exhausted. It was a long day and I'm always extra tired these days. There was no way I could cook today, so Jack just picked up some pizza. It smells so good, I better go and eat. Until next time.

Always,

Kate

August 8, 2009 10:57am

Dear Journal:

Kate is in labor right now and I'm freaking out. I called my mom just before I started writing this down because I didn't know what else to do. She always has a way of calming me down. I think writing out my thoughts will help until she gets here. Good thing I brought my journal with me to the hospital today.

This day has been a whirlwind already and it's not even noon. It all started at around 3am. I had only gotten home at 1am from work. I had a late surgery last night. Well as soon as I got home, I went upstairs, undressed and crawled straight into bed. Kate was deeply asleep with her pregnancy pillow and all. I fell asleep right away, and then all the sudden I'm being shaken awake by Kate. I was still half asleep and really confused, and she's grabbing my arm and shaking me and saying, "It broke, it broke." I didn't know what she was talking about until I rolled over to face her and I felt the sheets under my legs. They were soaked. Her water broke. Then I was wide awake. I looked at her and she looked scared for a quick second and then smiled. I smiled and kissed her. "Our baby is coming," I whispered and kissed her shoulder. She looked gorgeous in that moment and I wanted to stay in bed with her and make love to her but of course I couldn't! We had to get to the hospital.

Kate was suddenly in mom mode. She already had bags packed for all three of us with a change of clothes for the past month now. Our "hospital bags" she called them, sitting in the corner of our bedroom. Kate said she was going to quickly dress and call Cassidy and see if she could drop off Aaron. All she asked me to do was strip the sheets and grab our bags and put them in the car. Then she was out of bed, changing. I quickly changed and in ten minutes we were in the car. Kate said Cassidy would watch Aaron so we quickly dropped him off (I felt bad we had to wake him up, poor kid was so cranky) and then we arrived at the hospital. (Yes, the same hospital I just left a few hours ago.)

Kate was admitted around 4am. The doctors have been checking her every half hour, seeing if she's dilated yet. So now we wait. I'm in the waiting room, waiting for my mom to arrive. Kate wanted to be alone, I think she's getting frustrated that it hasn't happened yet. Now I have to call Cassidy to check on Aaron, hopefully I'll remember to write again later.

-Jack

August 10, 2009 5:26pm

Dear Diary,

We've named her Ashlie. Ashlie Claire Shephard. She's gorgeous. Perfectly perfect in every way. And yes I packed my diary with my clothes for the hospital! I knew as soon as I could I wanted to write down how I felt about my princess.

I was in labor for about 12 hours, but my sunshine was worth it. Jack and I are over the moon right now. So happy, so in love with our girl. She's been in this world now for two days, and already it feels like it's going by so fast. I'm excited to take her home tonight. Jack and I have been working so hard on her new bedroom, I think it's adorable. But of course I'm biased.

Jack said that while I was asleep after the delivery, our lawyer called. Somehow, my mom found out about my pregnancy and asked if she could come see the baby soon. Absolutely not, I told him. I wouldn't let her see Aaron a few years ago, and she definitely can't see Ashlie now either.

I know this entry is so short but my doctor (not Jack haha) is telling me to rest.

Always,

Kate

November 26, 2009 7:32am

Dear Journal:

Today is our first Thanksgiving with Ashlie. She is growing so fast, sometimes I'm afraid that if I blink I'll miss an important milestone in her first year of life.

Everyone will join us at our house this year for the holiday. Hurley and his new girlfriend Rosalita, Sayid and Nadia (who is expecting a boy!), Cassidy and Clementine, and even Sun and Ji Yeon. They flew all the way out here from Korea yesterday to celebrate the American holiday with us. (And of course, Mom and Granddad.) I can't wait for everyone to arrive this afternoon.

There is a lot of cooking still left to be done this morning. Kate has been amazing, cooking all week. I told her I'd help her this morning, as I was working long hours the past few days. And I know she has her hands full being a stay at home mom. Even though we have the nanny and my Mom around sometimes, it's a lot for Kate to be cooking all day as well as taking care of Ashlie and keeping up with Aaron's school schedule.

Aaron is doing great so far in Kindergarten by the way. We had a conference last week and he's already at a first grade reading level. Kate and I are so proud of him. He's been a great big brother to Ashlie too.

Mom just got here. She's going to watch the kids while Kate and I cook. I hope I don't screw anything up!

-Jack


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: 2010

March 18, 2010 8:01pm

Dear Diary,

It's been so long since I've written in this. I've been busy being a mother of two! These seven months since Ashlie was born have flown by. I'm trying to take a minute to breathe and catch up.

Well Ashlie was born right before summer ended, and that's when Aaron started Kindergarten. His teacher is great and Jack and I have had good conferences with her so far. He seems to be a bright little boy. He makes me so happy every day. Then we had the holidays which we spent with family and friends and now it's already spring. I can't believe Aaron is almost finished with Kindergarten now! Just a few more months.

I'm still staying home with Ashlie. I could have gone back to work after the new year, but I think being home Ashlie is more important right now. Plus that means I can give the nanny more breaks, and she definitely needs it after helping me out with Aaron for those crazy first few years back from the island, when I had to deal with all of those legal court proceedings. Thank goodness that's all in the past now. I think I might go back to work once summer ends. A full year staying home with Ashlie sounds about right.

Honestly though, I wish Jack would take some time off. He has been working non stop ever since we found our way home from that horrible place and resumed our daily lives. I think the last time he had a full week off was our honeymoon two and a half years ago, can you believe it? But I know him, and I know he likes to work. He likes structure and having something important to do. His work ethic is admirable and something that I love about him and I don't want to change that. But I do want to convince him to take some time off this summer so we can do fun things together as a family. Wish me luck for that discussion!

Always,

Kate

May 24, 2010 5:34pm

Deer Note Book.

Miss Martin sed we had two rite in here for home wurk. This is geting hard four me, I do not no how to spell all the wurdz I want to put down. I kno what I want to say thou. Furstly, I want Miss Martin to learn about my sistr. She iz so qute. She looks diffrint than me. She has brown curly hair like Moma. And brown I's like Dady. She likez too play with me. We play restlin. Moma duzn't like that. She getz scared that Ashleee will get hurt. I tell her not worry bout it. Ashle is alwayz fine afterr. Okay that iz all I want to right for now.

Frum,

Aaron

August 8, 2010 6:45am

Dear Journal:

My little girl is one today. It's been a big year, and it went by quick. Ashlie is already trying to speak and crawling like crazy! She'll be walking soon I'm sure. She loves Minnie Mouse and Princess Tiana. Her favorite color is green (like her mom's beautiful eyes) and her favorite food so far are potatoes. She's not a fan of peas.

Every morning when I get up for work, her smile melts my heart. Well to be honest, there is crying involved first. Little cutie is hungry! Kate says her cries sound different for every need, but I can't hear any differences. It must be a mom thing. So after she's done eating, I go and pick up her and give her a million kisses which makes her smile and giggle. She has an amazing laugh. Then I get her dressed and attempt to brush her brown curls, and after that usually I'm off to work... But for now I'm taking a break and spending time with Kate and the kids!

Journal you've known me for a long time, you know I get bored not having any work to do. That fact that I've taken time off is shocking to me too, I know! But Kate asked me to and I couldn't say no. Plus, I should have sooner anyway. I had a long and tiring conference/seminar in New York in June that was so much work. At that point I realized Kate was right, I needed to take some time off. Thankfully, Human Resources at the hospital approved of my four week vacation this summer. They said I could take off four weeks in a row because I haven't used any weeks in the last few years. I didn't even notice until they (and Kate) told me. Now I'm on week three. I'm hoping it goes as slow as possible.

I didn't have many surgeries scheduled for July and August so I was able to talk off the last two weeks of July and the first two weeks of August. It's been a great time so far. Some days, depending on how the kids are feeling, we go on day trips. To the beach, my mom's house (which has a great swimming pool out back), and even the zoo. We haven't gone to the circus yet but I hear they are in town next week. Aaron loves elephants (he went ballistic at the zoo when he saw them) so I'm hoping to take the family one night next week. Other days, get this, we stay home! I know, me not leaving the house all day is nuts. But it's fun with all of us. We build forts and watch movies. During nap time and Kate and I have grown up fun time upstairs, it's great!

Today we are having family and friends over for a little party to celebrate Ashlie's first birthday. Kate baked a chocolate cake and the kitchen smelled so good yesterday. I hope Ashlie likes the taste of chocolate!

This is the first time in years that I've enjoyed not working. I have to remember to do this more often.

-Jack

November 1, 2010 4:59pm

Dear Diary,

My little man is six already. Today was his big day! He's so big, I can't believe he's in first grade now. His new teacher has said he's doing great so far this school year. I'm amazed at how far he's come. To think of his life on the island to now, his life is full of such good luck! This weekend is his birthday party with his friends from school, and he has requested a bouncy castle in our backyard. Right now he and Ashlie went out with Jack's mom for dinner. She wanted to take them out, and how could I say no? Later when they get back and when Jack gets home, Jack's granddad, Hurley, Cassidy and Clementine are coming over for some birthday cake and presents. Sayid and Nadia couldn't make it, Sayid is working late and Nadia has her hands full with their new baby boy, Aram.

Yesterday was Halloween. Aaron dressed up as an elephant. He loves elephants and draws them in art class. I have plenty of his work up on our fridge. He loved seeing them at the zoo and at the circus this summer too. Ashlie was a butterfly. She has an animal picture book and always gets excited when we turn to the butterfly page. We went trick or treating, and they each received a ridiculous amount of candy. After a few days pass I will hide it or throw it out. Unhealthy eating habits for my kids gives me anxiety.

I almost forgot to share the good news... Sun is getting married! We were all shocked to hear. Jack and I never thought she'd marry again after Jin. But Sun has found someone who makes her happy so that makes me happy. He is also a widow and has a son. Ji Yeon seems to like him and they get along, so Sun felt okay to accept the proposal once she saw how excited Ji Yeon was to have a new dad and brother. The wedding is next week in Seoul. Unfortunately I can't go but Jack, Hurley and Sayid are going (Nadia needs to stay home with Aram) and are bringing my well wishes with them. On the bright side, only about seven more years until my probation is lifted and I can travel outside of California if I wish.

Also I forgot to mention, I went back to work in September. After being home for so long I started to miss going to work each day. Spending the day with other adults, and not just my adorable daughter. I love her to pieces, but I couldn't stay home any longer. I guess some moms love staying home and others don't. I remember Cassidy telling me how much she loved it and she stayed home for a few years, as long as possible. I definitely loved the first year, don't get me wrong, but I think it's better for both Ashlie and I to be apart now for some time during the day. I don't want her to be attached to me when she starts school, and I missed my coworkers and doing productive work. My amazing nanny cares for Ashlie when I'm at work and I can't thank her enough.

Other than that, we're thinking of getting a dog but not telling the kids, just surprising them with it. Jack and I need to do some more research and weigh our options first, so it probably won't happen until Christmas. But I love the idea of making the dog a Christmas present! That reminds me, I should call the animal shelter back now that I have a minute to myself away from the kids.

Always,

Kate

December 26, 2010 3:35pm

Dear Notebook.

Mommy and Daddy got me and my sister a puppy for Christmas! Mommy and Daddy want to name the puppy Vincent. But why? That's a people name. He should have a dog name like Skipper or Rocky or Oreo. He kind of looks like an Oreo, that's why I said that. His fur colors. But they laughed and said it should still be Vincent. So that's the puppy's name now.

My teacher this year said she looked at my Kindergarten notebook and that my spelling has improved in first grade. And yes I know what improved means. It means to make something better. It was our vocabulary word last week. Oh yeah, school is fun. I like it. I try telling Ashlie how much fun she will have when she's bigger like me and goes to school but I don't think she understands yet. At school we read a new story every week with new words to study, how to spell it and the definition. And we do math too. But I like reading and writing better.

Vincent is barking loud right now. Daddy says he'll take him for a walk. I want to go too so I need to stop writing now.

From,

Aaron

The End

Thank you all for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it!


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